How to reconnect with your adolescent.

Let’s discuss some of the important ways parents can establish a rapport and strengthen their bond with their adolescent.

1. By developing a friendly relationship with their adolescents.

2. Being a good listener.

3. By suggesting their point of view but not impose their decision on their adolescents.

4. Being very careful about their tone of voice when they are talking to their adolescents.

All the above ways are in accordance with the developmental needs of the adolescents. As we know that adolescence is the age of turbulence. A lot of changes are going on simultaneously. The adolescents are not prepared to manage all these changes. They are struggling to understand themselves and the world around. They are also juggling between complex and contradictory expectations of others, for example- to follow directives but start thinking independently.

Here is my elaboration of the points:

1. At this stage of confusion parents need to be very empathetic, understanding, approachable and friendly so that their children can come to them when they need their help, directions, or suggestions.

2. By being active listeners or empathic listeners, parents create an environment of trust, warmth, and openness. By listening to their stories, parents get an opportunity to enter their world. They can know about their children’s challenges, confusions, conflicts, interests, dreams, aspirations, strengths, and weaknesses.

Just by listening empathically, parents provide a space to their adolescents to understand and manage their emotions, compare their choices, and evaluate their decisions.

3. Adolescence is the stage of developing identity and getting more independence. Identity and independence can only be achieved by creating and testing one’s own options and opinions. If parents criticize or suppress these fundamental processes of becoming adult, they will face opposition from their growing children.

By criticizing and imposing their opinions on their children parents hamper their children’s growth process. Parents should actually share their views and experiences with the adolescents and then let them evaluate their options. Yes, there are matters when parents should impose their authority e.g., situations when the safety of their children or others is at risk like drug and alcohol use, rash driving, road rage etc. In such situations parents cannot sit back and wait for the consequences.

4. There are situations when the behaviour of children takes a toll on their parents. In such situations, if parents can keep their cool and they don’t humiliate, criticize, or abuse their children, they actually set an example for their children how to manage emotions in provocative, aggressive, and humiliating situations.

Usually, children know when they have been rude and disrespectful towards their parents and usually admit their mistake after some time. That is the time when parents can discuss and set boundaries for mutual respect and care. They can mutually agree to ask for a break when they are feeling angry.

Parents need to remember that criticism, humiliation, and abuse have long-term consequences on the emotional, Behavioural, and interpersonal relationships of any individual.